Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Lonesome Democrat

It's been a long and rough road living in the state of Utah while being an active member of the LDS church and, simultaneously, a Democrat. I've wondered how there can be so much persecution when I held the same political views as Pres. James E. Faust ("Don't you EVER speak of the Lord's anointed like that AGAIN!" was an actual retort to this defense). It was only recently that I did a little research of my own and learned some more of the history of the party; suddenly I understand why the fuss.
Allow me to take you back to the summer of 1790, specifically the rear-yard of a particular Virginia mansion owned by one Thomas Jefferson. It was His turn to host His yet-unnamed club's annual Donkey Riding and Rifle Destruction Bazaar. Mr. Jefferson was enjoying the merriment from his veranda with his confidant Aaron Burr. They were in the middle of a hushed discussion about which members of the Whig Party they were going to infect with homosexuality when the calmness was broken by a shout from behind. "Confound it gentlemen! This should be one of the highlights of the year for us and our club of wealthy, politically influential friends! As sure as my name is James Madison, there would be no better way to round out this glorious day than a rousing evening of killing unborn babies! But I am duty bound to follow the laws of this land that I love so well and refrain from my passions. BLAST!" To which Aaron Burr, always the sensible one, replied, "Whoa there, Jimmy Jim. This love that we ALL share could be just the cause we were looking for to spearhead our emergence into the public eye! We will make killing babies the foundation upon which we make all of our decisions from now on." Thomas Jefferson then lifted his snifter of malt liqueur and proclaimed "And we will do it in the name of Democracy!"
Wow.

11 comments:

  1. I'm just a random friend of Liesel's reading your blog...but LMAO!!!

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  2. Oh, seriously funny! Can't wait to see what Something Cliché has to say…

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  3. Umm... seriously, do you have to say "blast" on your blog? I find it's usage offends me. Also your choice of subjects make me feel dirty after reading. Please refrain.

    But in all honesty, what should I have expected from a homosexual baby-killer?

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  4. I'm usually excited when I find people I know posting to blogs. However with you... I'm a little scared to get a glimpse into what goes on in your head! :) I'll read it anyway and hope that I don't turn out to be one of the 'dicks'. :)

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  5. One of the most enlightening and dark looks into the Democratic party we've seen in years. Filled with rampant gay sex and fetus murder, while somehow maintaining an intellectual hold on ideas of freedom and free, rational thinking. A must read for the rising generation, Rated R.

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  7. That comment was made in a movie announcer's voice, for anyone other than Austin who reads this, because he already knows.

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  8. a fellow mormon democrat!! i didn't know there were others like me. and I was so happy to read about the history of our party. i knew those were our founding party principles but I didn't know how it had come about.

    God speed.

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  9. Yea, when people start in about being a democrat I say, "Yup, me and Brigham Young."

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  10. Update: I've moved to Missoula, MT where some people realize that mormon does not equal republican as a default. Everyone move here and we'll hang out and lynch gun owners and support abortion clinics.

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