Thursday, June 23, 2011
Heterosexual men can't make new friends. One year ago I moved to a different state knowing not a soul, and this became quite obvious to me. There were some really cool guys at work and church, my only social outlets (loser), but I never spent any of my free time with them. This is because straight men don't know how to ask other men out on dates. Asking women out is easy because if I'm rejected, that's just proof that she's a lesbian to the male psyche. But if I ask a guy from work if he wants to see the new explosions shooting boobies movie, and HE rejects me, then that means he's still straight for saying no and I'M gay for asking. This is what happens in our heads, as dudes. Men are usually willing to spend their whole adult lives without a single close friend to avoid the awkward situation of being turned down for a man-date. So the best thing to do is wait outside a guys house on a friday night and follow him when he goes out to the bar and then walk in ten minutes later and act like you just ran into him. Then it's not weird. You're welcome, world.