Friday, June 24, 2011


I have been plagued by severe dry skin my entire life, and there is no relief to be found. In our society, and this is a scientific fact, there is no appropriate way for a man to apply lotion to any part of his anatomy in either a public or private setting. The only way I need to prove this is to have you, dear reader, imagine one of your male colleagues sitting in his cubicle applying any ammount of lotion to his person. You either just laughed out loud or threw up a little. Point. Now, in private, I can't even OWN lotion. Don't even think about it sitting out in the open, that's just shameful. If I had lotion sitting next to an unfilled perscription for hydrocortisone in a safe set into my foundation and my home was buried under a rain of hot pumice only to be uncovered four thousand years later, the archeologists would say, "Well, it appears they were a civilization of perverts." Society, you're an ass.

1 comment:

  1. Hilarious! Kyle was just telling me about a colleague who had approached him after work with a simple question. His colleague had lotioned himself from head to toe and was "glistening". Kyle said, "It might have been LESS awkward had the guy not been wearing pants."