Those of you without offspring, I must let you know that kids are the best pets ever. They eventually learn to feed themselves, they will go and get you soda while you're watching football and they even figure out speech. I, personally, have procreated 3 times and have been involved in the initial act of procreation at LEAST seven times (the jr. high version of me will be most happy to learn). My kids are hilarious. For instance:
Sohvi (yeah, that's how you spell it. My wife is Finnish; deal with it.)
"Your kidneys are in your butt."
"Jesus wants me for a birthday cake."
"Grandma, are you sooo pissed off?"
"You're the best mommy ever, sometimes."
"I don't like fat people very much."
After hearing the story of David and Goliath, "So if people are mean to us, we will throw rocks at them!"
"Do pumpkins poop?"
"The wind blowed my muscles away."
"I farted in my mouth." (burped)
"How do you spell 'Penis'?"
"My PRETEND cat is named 'Eyeballs'."
"Light bastards?" This is after I noticed that my favorite salad dressing was only available in its lite form, causing me to curse the Hidden Valley family.
Actually, everything this kid says is hilarious. If you're a communist.