Thursday, January 6, 2011

Social Formulation

I live in a definitive college town, meaning that many of the individuals that I meet want desperately to prove how intellectual they are. I happen to really enjoy movies and if you were to ask me what kind, and I respect you, I would answer truthfully that I like to watch any blockbuster that involves explosions and/or fart jokes. Now, if you have on a woolen cap pulled rakishly to the side with your long hair sticking out all sides and are wearing a short, thin scarf that could not possibly serve any purpose, then compliment the ensemble with some form of a cardigan and you're in your twenties and NOT my grandfather: then I answer you according to this formula which I have created.
The following responses MUST not have been thought of beforehand or it ruins the brilliance of yourself. Just stick to the formula.
Smarter-Than-You-College-Student: "Oh, you like movies do you? Well, who are some of your favorite directors?"
You will have a total of three examples.
Example 1: Any russian-sounding name.
"Well, I was moved by Villinofsky's earlier work...."
Example 2: Any jewish-sounding name.
"I've just recently fallen in love with anything by Bernbaum."
Example 3: Any male first name.
"But my all time favorite is Ted......"
And just as any wierd kind of look strikes snottysmarty's face, jump in with the kicker,
"And don't you dare correct me, I know that they pronounce it differently in FRENCH, but I'm an american and I don't want to butcher it."
I've had the opportunity to use this formula twice recently, and every time the other party nods and smiles knowingly and usually manages to out-gush me over the brilliance of each director. EVERY. TIME.